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Our boy CT will be fascinated to learn that I went out and saw “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra.”

CT, I tell you what . . . I would’ve preferred a movie that hewed more closely to the comics or the filecards or “Resolute,” but this was fun. This had the manic energy of being ten years old and playing soldiers and ninjas and jets and lasers and pew-pew-pew. In homage, I’m just going to bullet-point some thoughts . . .

My main beef, I guess, is that some of the canon material would’ve fit just fine, yet wasn’t used. Snake-Eyes and Storm Shadow’s history, for example, was greatly simplified, when a better approach would’ve been to just show us a little and leave the rest mysterious.

Brendan Fraser had an enjoyable cameo as a new character called Sgt. Stone – – – but he sure looked like Flint to me, so why not call him Flint?

Interesting take on Cobra Commander’s origin, and a good performance.

Destro was very Bondian, with his grand plans and Scottish accent. Strange how an actual Scottish accent doesn’t sound right after listening to Scotty all those years.

I understand the decision to make it personal by linking Duke, Cobra Commander, and the Baroness with shared history, but I always like the idea that the Joes are fighting these guys because of duty, honor, and country, like real soliders.

Lots of crowd scenes at Joe Headquarters. Man, I should be able to spot the cameos in a scene like that. There should be an Indian, and a bearded guy with a parrot, and a shirtless guy with a Marine Corps tatoo.

Ripcord. Not a bad performance, especially by Marlon Wayans standards, but the character didn’t make sense to my inner nerd. Ripcord was a very minor white Joe . . . why call him Ripcord instead of Stalker? Next, why make a Sergeant in the infantry the pilot?

Speaking of rank . . . I liked that Duke was a Captain, rather than a Master Sergeant. When the Joes were a very small squad, it made sense for the field leader to be a non-com, but the bigger the operation (with a space shuttle and a supercarrier and such), the stranger it gets.

Covergirl was a terrible, terrible performance in very small role.

Arnold Voslo was a lot of fun as Zartan.

By | 2017-03-17T01:01:32+00:00 August 9th, 2009|Categories: Article|Tags: , , , , |3 Comments

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  1. Carlin February 23, 2017 at 4:00 am - Reply

    I don't doubt I'll see this movie once it hits some form of optical media…probably slip it into the Netflix queue or borrow it from someone. But if given the choice of spending my money to see it or buying another action figure, I choose buying the action figure.

    It's got to be difficult to take a property like G.I. Joe that has a multitude of backstories, plus the personal backstories of all the individual former 8-year-olds out there, and concoct a story that satisfies everyone.

    Not to say it couldn't be done. Based on how much the TV show Alias was in essence a live action G.I. Joe TV show, I think JJ Abrams could have helmed this. Not sure the Van Helsing director was the one to do it though.

  2. PLee February 23, 2017 at 4:00 am - Reply

    About one minute of training in the suits, and then they were used in a big ten minute chase/fight scene in Paris, and that was it. Very original scene — two guys chasing a car at 60 MPH in the power suits, while our boy Snake Eyes was on the top of the car doing ninja things.

    That scene in particular reminded me of playing with toys — those action figures sometimes just ignore physics and jump all over the place.

  3. Jeeg February 23, 2017 at 4:00 am - Reply

    I'm glad you could get out to the theater. I know that ain't easy these days.

    How central was the stuff with the power suits? All the Matrix-y stuff with the power suits in the trailers really made me skeptical about the flick.

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