Nerd Lunch Wives: What Makes a Good Nerd Wife?

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Nerd Lunch Wives: What Makes a Good Nerd Wife?

And so this series of posts written by the Nerd Lunch Wives comes to a close. An impressive series to be sure. My fear now is that they are going to go off and start their own blog that will put ours to shame. Or maybe instead, we can entice them to grace us with their presence again someday. For now, enjoy this final post in the series by the lovely Mrs. CT. – CT

My favorite shows are Farscape and Firefly. I’ve seen every episode of ST:TNG, DS9, B5, Buffy, Angel, BSG and Red Dwarf. I heart Matt Smith (but David Tennant is a close second). I’ve read hundreds of comics. For our most recent anniversary I suggested going to see X-Men: First Class and really enjoyed it. Is it because I’m a nerd? Not really (well, maybe a little). Mainly it’s because I’m a good — dare I say, excellent — nerd wife.

What makes a good nerd wife??

First, let me say that I’ve grown into my role. Fifteen-year-old Janay was NOT interested in Sci-Fi. At. All. But she was very interested in CT. When he asked me if I wanted to read his comics I thought, sure, why not? I cared more about impressing him than what my friends might think of me. Now that I reflect on it, I’m pretty impressed with my younger self. I was already showing signs of the most important part of being a good nerd wife — respect his interests.

Now, you don’t have to love everything your nerd is into, but you certainly shouldn’t belittle it. Let him be himself. There is no reason for him to be ashamed, embarrassed or need to hide his nerdy interests from you, and no reason for you to have those feelings about him. He needs to be free to pursue what he likes.

Beyond respect for his interests, what your nerdy husband wants is a friend that comes along side him. And that friend should be you! Sit and watch the movies and TV shows he watches. Tag along on shopping excursions when he’s hunting for action figures. Attend at least one convention. Wear a Wonder Woman shirt, but no need to invest in a Wonder Woman costume. (Well, unless he wants you to.)

Sometimes he wants you beside him, other times he wants to be with his buddies. Give him time to hang out with his friends (whether in person or virtually through the internet) WITHOUT feeling guilty. There was a time period in our lives recently where EVERYTHING was a challenge (work, grad school, baby) and the nerd stuff was one of the only thing that gave him an outlet and brought him joy. How could I not let him spend free time pursuing his likes?

So how does this work for me? Well, thankfully in the Venn diagram of our movie/TV interests there is a huge overlap, so I can easily be his couch buddy. I show interest and make conversation. I read the blog, I listen to the podcasts. I click “like” on facebook. But I don’t comment on everything, I certainly don’t want to be obnoxious!

I’m not the biggest twitter user, but I do follow several of the nerds/geeks that CT has gotten to know. I don’t chime in, but I can (mostly) follow their conversations and be somewhat knowledgeable later in the day when CT recounts his funny twitter moments. Girls, if you want to have long conversations with your husband you have to know something about his interests!

If he wants to host a comic book convention in your house, dress up the kids and play the part of an annoyed wife. It’s not that difficult! πŸ™‚

If he wants to produce a web series, don’t get in a huff when he finds a *perfect* co-host (and it’s not you). Let him soar with a new project and do your part to support him behind the scenes.

Listen. Try your hardest to care about every single new G.I. Joe purchased. But don’t feel guilty if you can’t keep up with the names or how many variations of Snake Eyes he owns… I mean seriously, COME ON!

What are the benefits of being a good nerd wife? Well, when you spread your horizons you just might discover you actually *like* some of it. You’ll energize your husband by caring about his interests and in turn, he just might care about yours. If you don’t criticize or analyze how he spends his blow money, then he might not care how much fabric you buy. If you read his blog, he just might read yours. And if you tell him what you like about his most recent podcast, he just might smile at you when you show him your most recent embroidery project. Hey, he may even ask you to make awesome gifts for crazy people you don’t even know and all of a sudden babies in Canada are wearing your custom creations. There’s no telling what can happen when you let your nerd just be a nerd. Give it a try!

By | 2017-02-27T03:21:54+00:00 December 2nd, 2011|Categories: Article|Tags: , , , , , , |9 Comments

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  1. Jack February 25, 2017 at 8:21 pm - Reply

    Dr. Mrs. Jeeg –

    I'll bring this to Bonzo's attention as soon as she pulls herself away from Grimm (Nine & I been shootin' zombies, as in Left4Dead). Meanwhile, if you want to get acquainted with her laid back, retired life outlook, visit

    Knowing Bonnie's history as I do, I know that she'd love to make friends with the wife of a friend of mine. That rarely works out, because they're always the ones coming in an hour after we start, saying, "Are you still doing THAT?" It's good to see that I'm not hogging all the joy. Once more, thank you all for all of it!

  2. Fitz February 25, 2017 at 8:21 pm - Reply

    WOW! I am blown away at the Fitz Boy stuff. You and I have had some great collaborations!

    Oh that DC RPG. Yeah, that is not one of my finer moments either. Poor CT, what did we put him through?

    Janay, we will need to talk sometime. Do not take your impact as a nerd girl, wife, and mother lightly. You are truly amazing. I chose my words carefully: Ultimate as in "being the best or most extreme example of its kind." THAT you definitely are.

    Jack, you are correct sir!

    So say we all.

  3. Janay February 25, 2017 at 8:21 pm - Reply

    Well dearest CT, I guess my future "blow money" will now have to be spent on a gym membership.

    Oh Fitz, you made my day. I'm not perfect, so don't set me as the standard! Remember my attempt at roll-playing that DC game? Eep, that didn't go so well. RPGs are definitely where I step out of this nerd role and just be a wife — hosting, cooking chili and potatoes for the boys. Or just flat out leaving the premises.

    Jack, I don't take our pairing for granted — I'm just as blessed as CT is. πŸ™‚

    Mrs. Jeeg, I didn't intend to set myself up as queen, but I'll humbly accept the crown. Maybe I should embroidery myself something to go with my Awesome Mom shirt. πŸ˜‰

    Dawn, I wrote this blog post a while back, and thought about reversing Smith/Tenant because of a couple slow episodes in the most recent season of Dr. Who. But it ended well, Matt Smith made me laugh a lot, so I kept it as it. But it's really close. πŸ™‚
    And the gifts I made for Fitz's boys… those are the ultimate in awesome, cute nerdy! LOVE being able to create custom stuff for friends.

    Ok, I think my comment is now as long as my blog post. Here's hoping my HTML tags work, or I may lose my crown right away.

  4. PurplePenning February 25, 2017 at 8:21 pm - Reply

    This is excellent, Janay! I know you meant to heart David Tennant and call Matt Smith a close second, but other than that small mistake… πŸ™‚ And that last series of links — it's like an Easter egg hunt of awesome, cute nerdery.

  5. Dr. Mrs. Jeeg February 25, 2017 at 8:21 pm - Reply

    Aw, Jack. You're a sweetie.

    I totally want to meet Bonnie now. The slap tactic sounds hilarious.

    Janay, I must also bow down to the queen of the Nerd Wives. Plus, I really admire your supersewing skills.

  6. Jack February 25, 2017 at 8:21 pm - Reply

    Inspired series. Wonderful women. Alas, Bonnie didn't follow me into the PCs and consoles, but when I was a boardgamer, Bonnie would pitch in right there with me, playing Soviets, Klingons, elves, and Destroyer Captains. She was known in our group as the master of the doomsday defense, and Chops can probably tell you a few stories of her management of impossible last stands, and her sudden spoiling attacks, like getting slapped in the face as you're about to swing an axe. But she is still the consummate hostess when the guys are over, taking (dinner) orders, not giving them.

    A wonderful series by a group of wonderful women who are the reason that, when you guys are my age, you will look back with warmth and say, "I had the best life a guy could ever have!"

    We love you ladies. What I read in your posts is that you think it's no big deal. Trust me, girls, it is the biggest deal there is. The alternative is having the wife coming at you like angry water buffalo, pulling your head down between your shoulders, and mumbling, "Yes, dear!" Even if you don't participate in our oddball hobbies, you give us the comfort to indulge in them, and that is a gift beyond price. Thank you, thank you, a million times thank you!

  7. Fitz February 25, 2017 at 8:21 pm - Reply


    You ARE the ultimate Nerd Wife (in my humble opinion). You are the standard to which I compare all nerd wives.

    Comic-Con made a huge impression and it just kept getting better.


  8. CT February 25, 2017 at 8:21 pm - Reply

    "Blow money" is a Dave Ramsey term. Essentially, we set aside money to pay the bills, feed the family, and all the important boring stuff and then there's a little money that I get to just blow on whatever I want.

    And I have to say, I am now thinking my next purchase with the aforementioned "blow money" needs to be a Wonder Woman costume for my wife…

  9. Robert February 25, 2017 at 8:21 pm - Reply

    Excellent conclusion to a great series of posts.

    I'm proud to say that my girlfriend has a Wonder Woman costume, although she bought it for Halloween one year.

    Also, "blow money"?? Does CT have a cocaine problem?

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