Near the beginning of the time that Jeeg, PLee and I began getting together for lunch, PLee made an off-hand comment about how humanity would be in big trouble if the monkeys and dolphins ever teamed up. I felt like this needed to be illustrated in some way, so I spent a morning putting together a fake CNN story about Senator Tom Daschle mediating peace between the two animal species.

This is one of those things I look back on and wonder how I even came up with this. Truly inspired if I do say so myself. In particular, the names of the creatures involved in the talks still make me laugh.

Of course, it’s possible this story isn’t a joke and former Senator Tom Daschle betrayed humanity by unifying two animal groups that will destroy us all. I’ll let you be the judge of that.

Senator Tom Daschle mediates peace talks between Monkeys and Dolphins

Thursday, April 3, 2003 Posted: 3:26 PM EST (2026 GMT)

WASHINGTON — In the midst of a high-profile war amongst humans, two races of animals are looking to set aside their differences.

The long feud between monkeys and dolphins may soon be coming to an end. This week, Senator Tom Daschle has mediated peace talks between the two animals. These talks stem from the resuce of princess Oooeeaaahh last month by two brave dolphins. One dolphin, Ehaheeeeh Neeehaaah died in the rescue. Monkey leader Eeee Eeeee Eaaaeee expressed his thanks over the rescue of his daughter and extended his monkey hand of friendship.

Senator Tom Daschle was asked by leaders on both sides to mediate peace talks. “I’ve had a long history with both sides,” said Daschle on Wednesday. “This is a fine opportunity to form alliances in a much better way than waging war.”

Though most haven’t given this much thought, there is growing concern about this alliance among some. “Monkeys and dolphins both are much smarter than humans,” said zoologist Cindy Heckleman. “If these two forces join together, it could mean doom for all of humanity.”

Representative Jack Fontana (R) of Minnesota said in response to these peace talks, “Daschle has betrayed humankind. Peace is a good thing, unless it’s peace between two common foes.”

Animal rights activist Stacy Auble is for the peace talks. “Like, humanity has hurt these animals so much over the years that like it’s about time they can form these alliances against us.”

Right now the White House is full entrenched in the war against Iraq, but there are unconfirmed reports that top military strategists are beginning to assess what it would take to fight an army of monkeys and dolphins.